Chart-topping Hip Hop artist Drake recently brought his extraordinary theory of “You Only Live Once”, also known as “YOLO”, to the forefront of popular culture with the release of his song “The Motto”.

In the tradition of other poetic works that transcended their particular genre or niche, such as Tennyson’s “Charge of the Light Brigade”, Thomas’ “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night”, Whitman’s “Song of Myself”, Poe’s “Annabel Lee”, and Blake’s “Little Black Boy”, Drake hypothesizes in deep, profound poetic verse that the average human has will only live once.

Virgil Samuelson stands waits by the phone just like any other potential draftee during the stress-and-tension-filled madness that is the NFL draft.

But Virgil isn’t your normal draft hopeful.

Virgil graduated from the Southeastern Institute of Education with a Varsity Letter in Football after playing four years for the football program as a linebacker.

But that was in 1943.

Despite his almost terminal age of 70,

- A local Community College Freshman, just days before being kicked out of his parents house for being fired from his job last week, ingeniously filed a trademark with the United States Patent and Trademark Office for the word “I”. Long considered to be public domain, “I” has never attempted to be trademarked, hence has no legal ownership.

“I just thought about it the other day after hitting the 3-footer in my basement,” explains the newly wealthy teenager. “Everyone uses the word, but no one ever thought about getting it trademarked. So I did.”

The fall out began almost instantaneously as the single largest Cease and Desist campaign in American history spread from coast to coast like wildfire. Every single citizen of the United States of America received a letter informing them of their violation of the newly minted trademark and demanded they stop immediately.

“I had my lawyer send (letters) to the Maternity Wards at all the hospitals. I figured we’d better let them babies know that it was NOT alright to learn my word, at least not for free. Anyone can use it if they want to pay a nominal fee based on the way they use it and the amount of times it is said.”

Legal actions would have placed an injunction on the patent, but no potential pursuant could derive an acceptable manner to declare their intent without violating the trademark.

“We had several people inquire about applying for an injunction, but no one could say “I want”, or “I would like to”, or any derivative of the word without being sued themselves,” a local attorney explained. “It really is a fascinating situation.”

With retropay on royalties nearing nine figures, the only thing on this teen’s mind was celebrating.

“Dude, I’m gonna get my friends to come over and bring some girls,” he explained. “I’m gonna be all like ‘COME AT ME, BRO!’”