Monthly Archives: March 2012

Home Game Recap: Bombs Away at the Big River Showdown

brs

Well the first big game of the year is in the books and it did not disappoint, although maybe a little bit surprising. If you thought that March Madness was only in the NCAA basketball tourney, then you were mistaken.

This year featured two play-in games. The first play-in game pitted two of the newest players to the AGP crew against each other, #10 seed Kyle (yet to have a nickname) Phillips and #8 seed, “Scab” Jerry Agren. The match see-sawed for a little while until Kyle got the upper hand after about 3 blinds. Jerry battled back, but once again found his call everything style to be his downfall when his pocket 5′s were outran by Kyle’s A-J. Kyle would advance to the opening round.

The next play-in game pitted long-time rivals #11 seed, Buzz Finger and #7 seed, Troy “K.o.P.” Steffy. Last year these two were the top two seeds, but this year they would have to battle their way to advance. In what turned out to be the longest match of the night, no one seemed to be able to deliver the final blow. Back and forth they went for nearly two hours, exchanging chip leads as much as Kim Kardashian exchanges boyfriends. However, it was Troy who finally advanced when Buzz had no choice but to get it all-in with nothing. Troy’s two pair of Kings and Queens eliminated Buzz and it was on to the opening round.

The Dan Truth: “King of the Castle, King of the Castle”

chicken of the sea

After a three week absence The Dan Truth is back! Everyone knows that this time of year is a busy time for free-agency and trade talks which was a contributing factor to my absence. Have no fear though, I am locked into a great contract with Average Guy Poker for many years to come. How long? Let’s just say that my last column will most likely end like thisalksajakshfosh.

Now on to the fun stuff. With all the negativity in the news lately, political fighting, war, people being murdered, I thought it was a good time to throw a little low-brow, silly humor at our readers. So here it is, some random stories that I found to be humorous, if only on a most basic level. Enjoy!

Story 1

It started off as a simple concept… man needs to poop. Poop isn’t coming out. Man stretches, turns, reaches and twists. Poop comes out.
This is the concept behind the book Toilet Yoga. The book contains 15 ‘poses’ that work in various situations and locations. The guide walks you through the movements so you can walk through yours (or sit). Depending on your skill level, you may choose to start at a 1 bowl on the rating scale, or if you’re feeling adventurous, move up to a 3 or 4 bowl move. As you progress through the teachings, you may become confident enough that you can safely handle a 5 bowl maneuver!

As this book is based on an open-door policy, feel free to keep yours open if your relationships allow — sharing in the joy of the book and these special movements. If your spouse, mate, friend, room­mate, etc. isn’t fond of seeing you pants down and stretching while on the throne, please be respectful and at least close the door part way.

Some of the “movements” include The Lid, The Slider, and The Rainbow.

Finally, something other to do in the bathroom instead of playing “Words With Friends!”

Story 2

AGP Big River Rowdown Give-Away

buffalo

Average Guy Poker is celebrating it’s 1st major home game of the year, The Big River Showdown, by giving away a kayak trip for two on the Buffalo River! Includes kayaks, paddles, PFD and shuttle. Reservations required (931-215-4891). Courtesy of Yanahli Kayak & Canoe Co.

How to win: The 1st person to have ten of their friends like our facebook page HERE wins! Simply have the new like post they came from your suggestion and the prize is all yours!

Good Luck!

The Beat: Heads-up Poker

heads

With the Big River Showdown looming heads-up poker is on every AGP member’s mind. With that in mind let’s look at some key points when playing just one opponent. This article is not meant to provide a full proof strategy as everyone tends to play different when making it to heads-up. However, it will give a few short strategies to consider when you find yourself vying for a championship.

The first thing to remember when playing heads-up is that starting hands change significantly when only faced with one opponent. When playing a full table the amount of cards dealt is greater, therefore your Ace that you hold in your hand is not as strong. The likelihood of another player having an ace is great due to the amount of cards dealt. On the other hand, when playing heads-up the chances your opponent has an Ace too is greatly reduced. As a result your hand is stronger.

The Round Up: Not Out of the Woods Yet

woods

What has happened in your life since November 2009? Tiger Woods had an incident or two that may or may not have been highly publicized. He has struggled to find his game since. However, today he has a chance to win his first PGA Tour event in 30 months. Tiger holds a 1 stroke (-11) lead over Graeme McDowell heading into the final round of the Arnold Palmer Invitational at Bay Hill. Tiger has won six times here and is holding the final round lead for the first time since the 2009 BMW Championship, an event he eventually won. Tiger has held the lead heading into the final round 52 times in his career. He won 48 of those times. Watch Tiger chase his 72nd win today on NBC at 1:30pm. Prediction – Woods wins by 2 strokes (-14)

Bonehead move of the Week

  • For the first time there is a tie for the “honor” of being Bonehead of the Week. First, the Jacksonville Jaguars had an opportunity to do something they’ve rarely done as an NFL franchise, sell seats. The only thing more embarrassing than their uniform color scheme is the stadium during Sunday home games. Tarps cover corners of a venue that is often more empty than full. Trading for Tim Tebow would’ve brought the hometown hero back to his college stomping grounds and added much needed excitement to a stale team. This polarizing player is a hero in Florida and could have breathed air into a suffocating team. Instead, the Jags let the Jets outbid them for Tebow’s services. The only city happier than New York to have Tebow is Los Angeles. Prediction – This is where the Jags will be moving within two years.
  • Kuwait managed to do as much research as I’ve been accused of doing by wrestling fans when they played the Borat version of the Kazakhstan national anthem after shooting team member, Maria Dmitrienko won a gold medal in an event there. Kazakhstan has demanded an apology from Kuwait. Here is the video:

The Beat: Origins of Poker; H.O.R.S.E.

horse

In this edition of the Origins of Poker we profile the multi-game by the name of H.O.R.S.E. This poker game will test your skills as an overall poker player as it includes five variants of the game. Bring a full range of skills to the table or face a quick exit.

H.O.R.S.E. is a form of poker that features five different games in one.

They are played as follows:
H – Limit hold ‘em
O – Limit Omaha hi/lo
R – Limit Razz
S – Limit 7 card Stud
E – Limit 7 Stud 8 or better (hi/lo)

The origins of this game are not clear, but since each variety has its own origins you can trace them back individually. H.O.R.S.E. requires a player to be good at a variety of games, thus making it a very difficult game to win. Many players do not like it because all sections are in a fixed-limit format. Although the final table in some recent tournaments, such as the $50,000 Poker Players Championship at the WSOP, have been no limit hold ‘em to decide the eventual winner. H.O.R.S.E. rotates games every round or in some tournaments every blind increase. Every round means once the dealer has made a full rotation on the table then the game changes. Usually it is played with 6 to 7 players on each table due to the fact that the stud games require more cards and difficult to play with more players.

H.O.R.S.E. history at the WSOP:

AGP Home Game Week 9 Recap: Big River “No” Down

kyle

The week 9 game that was is not the week 9 game it was supposed to be. It was a big game for one particular player though. The Big River Showdown was delayed one week when several players had unexpected and unwanted diversions from the first major of the 2012 season. Six players still made it to the premier of the new cards from our corporate sponsor, Gemaco. The cards were nice, but only one player seemed able to make hands of them most of the night. This is the recap of the game that nearly wasn’t.

With all due respect to our new cards, perhaps the best part of our game this week was the food Richard’s wife prepared for us. Brownies, dipped Oreos, popcorn, trail mix and more were provided as we moved our game to a temporary double secret location. “Quad Steak” Bryan Knepper was a huge fan of the brownies. He also revealed to the group the he is a certified accountant. Bryan offered to lend a hand to any of the guys when they do their taxes.

The Round Up – Special Edition: Peyton Passes on the Titans

US PRESSWIRE Sports

LeBron James left Cleveland and took his talents to South Beach. Cavalier fans burned his jersey and effigy. Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie. Women scorned the Hollywood hunk for dumping a sweetheart. Hulk Hogan left the Hulkamaniacs and joined the NWO. Thousands of fans threw five dollar sodas and seven dollar beers into the ring. I left Wrestlenewz to avoid the haters. Nobody noticed… All of these incidents pale in comparison as to how Titan fans feel after their prodigal son chose the Denver Broncos over the Tennessee Titans.

Peyton Manning informed Titans owner, Bud Adams, that he was passing over the franchise to join the Broncos. The State of Tennessee rolled out the red carpet to entice the greatest quarterback in NFL history to join a team that has struggled in recent years to break the .500 mark. The team reportedly offered part ownership after he retires. Nissan offered a special edition Titan truck, while Shoney’s offered pancakes! Who could possibly refuse free pancakes? Peyton can.

The Round Up: Bracket Busted

bracket-busted

For the majority of college basketball fans seeing Lehigh And Norfolk State pull off the biggest upsets in NCAA Basketball Tournament history since 2001, is an exhilarating feeling and the reason we watch. For the hardcore fans that fill out brackets, sometimes pay a little cash and root for teams you generally care less about, this weekend sucked. Had Syracuse lost to UNC Asheville, Las Vegas Bookies would have been on suicide watch! Both Lehigh and Norfolk State paid well for their Round of 64 wins. Lehigh paid 12 1/2 to 1 while Norfolk turned your one dollar into twenty-one bucks. If you happen to find a spare dollar under your couch cushions and want to waste it on these two Cinderellas, they pay an extremely profitable 400/1. May I suggest donating the dollar to charity or our advertising budget? Your money is likely to go further than either of the two teams this weekend.

Bonehead Move of the Week

  • Why did I stay in Orlando?

    Dwight Howard had his chance to move out of Orlando and possibly compete for an NBA Championship. The Nets and Lakers were the most interested in his services and would have teamed him up with a much better supporting cast. He could have suited up with Darren Williams and Brook Lopez in Brooklyn (new name next season) or Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol in Los Angeles. Instead, he opted into the final year of his contract, giving the Magic one more season to add depth. They likely won’t sign any of the big free agents in the offseason and this mess will start up again next year. On the upside, he doesn’t pay a state income tax in Florida. Maybe it wasn’t such a bonehead move…

Onto the sports and more worth watching this week, beginning with a very busy Sunday (all times Central).

Week 8 AGP Home Game Recap; An Odd 3-peat

brs

After taking a week off due to the perfect storm of bad schedules, The AGP Home Game picked up with Week 8, the final game before The Big River Showdown. This would be the last game played without our new sponsored Gemaco Brand Playing Cards. It would also be the third straight win in games in which he appeared. This is how Alan accomplished his personal trifecta.

Nine players made their way to our double secret home game location with the majority of the players being distracted by the fact a co-worker had committed a crime that made the local news. It was the first game in our five year history where we paused the game to watch the news! Let’s hope it doesn’t become a habit.