When AGP asked for a pic of Dan, he sent this. Guess he isn't quite sober yet.

Dan Martin FINALLY found his way out of the gutter to win his first points game of the year.

The one time great player had fallen on hard times when he got addicted to pain killers and Chantix. He is slowly climbing out of his addiction hell and putting himself back together.

Mike Daggum Krisle was the first out of the night as

JD's 1st ever royal flush on the last hand of the night!

JD ” Chip Nazi ” Deckard won on a  night that had amazing action with wild hands.

The game went quick til the final three players because of all the bad breaks and dumb luck. Every player that was knocked out faced a terrible beat or bad luck.

First to be bounced was Buzz Finger

The mysterious Buzz Finger defeated a card dead Daggum heads up to gain his 3rd win of the year.

Mike Daggum Krisle took a massive chip lead early in the game by virtually doubling up thru Bryan Quad Steak Knepper when his boat defeated Bryan’s flush. He had held the chip lead most of the evening until heads up. Bryan was knocked out shortly after his bad luck flush by JD. The Chip Nazi earned the knockout bonus by removing Bryan from the game.

In a moment as rare a Haley’s comet, Troy KOP Steffy was the next to lose after being crippled when his pair of Kings lost to JD’s pocket Aces.

2 scabs played this evening, Dave Finger and Cory Something. Dave went out in sixth place and Cory fourth.

The Poker God Ricky Hodge was out in fifth place as the cards never worked in his favor. Last year’s regular regular season points champ is feeling the effects of the poker roller coaster.

JD finished 3rd as he went completely card dead during the last 3 blind structures he was involved in. Nothing was thrown or harmed by a subdued and possibly drunk JD.

Daggum had run out of luck and ammunition by the time he andBuzz were heads up. Buzz played the river all night with the majority of the river cards working in his favor. Both guys were hot all night, but Buzz remained so heads up to knockout Daggum and earn his 3rd win of the year (1st of the 2nd quarter).

A fairly big 1st win!

Fairly Odd Alan is no longer the best player to never win a game after a resounding beat down of the group last night.

Alan ruled the table in a six player game that had him in the chip lead most of the evening. Ricky was the first to leave after blinds had just moved up to $4 and $8 with a $1 ante. Mark wasn’t as fortunate with big pocket pairs this week and was next to bounce. Daggum played his first game sine winning the Big River Showdown, but never got rolling and was 3rd out. JD had attempted to dethrone the KOP, but came up short when his pair of 10′s lost to a better kicker. The hand of the night was JD’s last stand. The king was slain by our winner, Alan, who also won the knockout bounty by beating Troy.

Alan celebrated by running away before any more embarrasing questions could be asked to the soon to be newlyweds!

The 2011 season of AGP got off to a fantastic start for one particular player. Troy Steffy dominated the first quarter. Word spread quickly to those that care the most about him. Oddly, those closest to him have one weird characteristic. See above.

Several of Troy’s friends contacted AGP to congratulate him on winning the first quarter of the 2011 season. His heroes like Pete Rose, Bret Hart and Elton John were all eager to sit down in an exclusive interview with JD Deckard and proclaim their exuberance about Troy’s fast start. His closest friend, Shane Primm, was selling bootleg mma t-shirts outside the restaurant where the interviews took place. He was allowed to participate as long as he would stop asking for autographs.

First to sit across from JD was Troy’s childhood idol, Pete Rose.

Pete:  ” Troy starting off the season so well was a sure bet. I taught him everything he knows about gambling. Playing poker was a way to make up debts owed to bookies when I lost money on the Reds. ”

JD: ” Did you ever think of the poor example you were setting for Troy? ”

Pete:” Poor example? No. He loved me. I raised him like he was my son. Hell, he kinda is my son. I won him when I bet his real father that Marge Schott could do an unassisted keg stand. He swore it was impossible. She had really strong shoulders. Held herself upside down and drank like a fish. How do you think Troy learned to hold down so much beer? You aren’t born with those skills. I miss Marge. ”

JD: ” Wow. That’s amazing. You were as good a father as you were a gambler. I’m shocked Troy turned out as normal as he is. ”

Pete: ” Thanks. ”

JD: ” It wasn’t a compliment. ”

Next to interview was Troy’s teenage idol, Bret ” The Hitman ” Hart.

Bret: ” Troy is mentally tough. Playing so well is not so surprising. ”

JD: ” What makes you say that? ”

Bret: ” Ever since I met Troy at the stem cell research center I knew he’d be the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be… at poker.”

JD: ” Wait a second. Stem cell research center? ”

Bret: ” Yeah. I was there trying to heal up from my stroke and old injuries sustained in the ring. He was working the night shift bio-hazard clean up. My God there were alot of zygotes to dispose of. ”

JD: ” Jesus, man. That’s gross. ”

Bret: ” What? Anyway, we’d play poker while I was getting my injections. He was talented. I may have been weak or even drugged, but he owned the poker table. He was relentless. He never gave me a break because of my ailments. He said weakness is a state of mind. Kicking my butt at poker made me tougher. It takes a mentally strong person to take a sick person’s money and not feel guilty. ”

JD: ” Unbelievable. ”

Bret: ” I know, right? Told you, the best there is, was, and ever will be. ”

Sir Elton John offered his opinion on Troy.

Elton: ” I’m very proud of Troy. The kind of pride a guy like me can have for him. ”

JD: ” A guy like you? ”

Elton: ” Yeah. An eclectic artist, a musician, a showman. ” What did you think I meant? “

JD: ” Umm, nothing. ”

Elton: ” Are you implying… ”

JD: ” No! I just had a mental slip, er, bad moment. ”

Elton: ” What the Hell?!? This interview is over! ”

JD: ” Elton wait! Sorry! Son of a… ”

Shane: ” My turn? ”

JD: ” No, Shane! Did you not see what just happened?!? Crap! I gotta smooth this over. ”

Shane: ” I have stuff to say. ”

JD: ” Nobody cares! Tell your story to the waiter. He probably has ears that don’t ‘have pencils crammed in them from your mind-numbing, self-deprecating, gibberish. ”

Shane: ” Why doesn’t anyone like me? ”

Unfortunately, this is where the story ends. Congrats to Troy Steffy on a great start to the 2011 season.