The 2011 season of AGP got off to a fantastic start for one particular player. Troy Steffy dominated the first quarter. Word spread quickly to those that care the most about him. Oddly, those closest to him have one weird characteristic. See above.
Several of Troy’s friends contacted AGP to congratulate him on winning the first quarter of the 2011 season. His heroes like Pete Rose, Bret Hart and Elton John were all eager to sit down in an exclusive interview with JD Deckard and proclaim their exuberance about Troy’s fast start. His closest friend, Shane Primm, was selling bootleg mma t-shirts outside the restaurant where the interviews took place. He was allowed to participate as long as he would stop asking for autographs.
First to sit across from JD was Troy’s childhood idol, Pete Rose.
Pete: ” Troy starting off the season so well was a sure bet. I taught him everything he knows about gambling. Playing poker was a way to make up debts owed to bookies when I lost money on the Reds. ”
JD: ” Did you ever think of the poor example you were setting for Troy? ”
Pete:” Poor example? No. He loved me. I raised him like he was my son. Hell, he kinda is my son. I won him when I bet his real father that Marge Schott could do an unassisted keg stand. He swore it was impossible. She had really strong shoulders. Held herself upside down and drank like a fish. How do you think Troy learned to hold down so much beer? You aren’t born with those skills. I miss Marge. ”
JD: ” Wow. That’s amazing. You were as good a father as you were a gambler. I’m shocked Troy turned out as normal as he is. ”
Pete: ” Thanks. ”
JD: ” It wasn’t a compliment. ”
Next to interview was Troy’s teenage idol, Bret ” The Hitman ” Hart.
Bret: ” Troy is mentally tough. Playing so well is not so surprising. ”
JD: ” What makes you say that? ”
Bret: ” Ever since I met Troy at the stem cell research center I knew he’d be the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be… at poker.”
JD: ” Wait a second. Stem cell research center? ”
Bret: ” Yeah. I was there trying to heal up from my stroke and old injuries sustained in the ring. He was working the night shift bio-hazard clean up. My God there were alot of zygotes to dispose of. ”
JD: ” Jesus, man. That’s gross. ”
Bret: ” What? Anyway, we’d play poker while I was getting my injections. He was talented. I may have been weak or even drugged, but he owned the poker table. He was relentless. He never gave me a break because of my ailments. He said weakness is a state of mind. Kicking my butt at poker made me tougher. It takes a mentally strong person to take a sick person’s money and not feel guilty. ”
JD: ” Unbelievable. ”
Bret: ” I know, right? Told you, the best there is, was, and ever will be. ”
Sir Elton John offered his opinion on Troy.
Elton: ” I’m very proud of Troy. The kind of pride a guy like me can have for him. ”
JD: ” A guy like you? ”
Elton: ” Yeah. An eclectic artist, a musician, a showman. ” What did you think I meant? “
JD: ” Umm, nothing. ”
Elton: ” Are you implying… ”
JD: ” No! I just had a mental slip, er, bad moment. ”
Elton: ” What the Hell?!? This interview is over! ”
JD: ” Elton wait! Sorry! Son of a… ”
Shane: ” My turn? ”
JD: ” No, Shane! Did you not see what just happened?!? Crap! I gotta smooth this over. ”
Shane: ” I have stuff to say. ”
JD: ” Nobody cares! Tell your story to the waiter. He probably has ears that don’t ‘have pencils crammed in them from your mind-numbing, self-deprecating, gibberish. ”
Shane: ” Why doesn’t anyone like me? ”
Unfortunately, this is where the story ends. Congrats to Troy Steffy on a great start to the 2011 season.