Pulling a Pearl off limits?
Knoxvile, TN - After an emergency meeting with UT’s Athletic Director Mike Hamilton, Danny Mags has the following report. In order to avoid possible sanctions from the NCAA, the word “bluff”, and all it’s derivations, are hereby banned. Any such actions must now be referred to as “failing to maintain an atmosphere of compliance”, or “pulling a Pearl”. Reactions to this shocking news is expected to be disturbing.
Only 3 weeks til the BRS
The Big River showdown is shaping up as the most exciting game in AGP history. The seeds seem to be shaping up, but with two games remaining til the BRS, things aren’t settled yet.
#1 Troy vs. #8 Dan – Troy is having the season of his life with great hands and well timed bluffs. Dan, however, can’t get out of the starting gate. Don’t underestimate this match-up. If Dan can finally catch cards and a break, this could turn ugly quick.
#2 Buzz vs. #7 Ricky - Has Buzz lost his early season momentum? Ricky, no doubt, hopes so. Last year’s regular season champ against the most confident player in the group. Let the fireworks begin.
#3 JD vs. #6 Tony - Two players on roller coaster seasons. JD plays well or gets knocked out very early while Tony has struggled to find his stride in his first season. This match-up has no clear favorite.
#4 Mike vs. #5 Mark - Mike has slowly moved up the standings each week with solid play. Mark has greatly increased his skill this season. Mike may have the confidence of a good player, but Mark’s improvement is a major road block.
Has the King lost his crown?
Citing his inability to compete with Buzz, KOP is taking a leave of absence this Tuesday. This is quite an unusual move for a usually confident player. After word spread of the KOP’s hissy fit, reactions from members poured in. The following are those comments:
Buzz – “I’m not surprised. A man of my stature has no competition. I’d miss him if I respected him.”
Magz – “He’s an ass. I told him my dad was playing this week. He drove for six hours just to meet my friends! Guess he isn’t a friend after all.”
Chip Nazi – “I’m fairly disappointed. I felt he was our only true chance to stop Buzz’s reign of terror. I lost a hero today.”
God – “I don’t really care. Frankly, I’ve never cared for him. Who the hell cares really?”
Red – “Who?”
Daggum – “Daggum!”
$5 – “He was paying my way this week. I only have 5 bucks. Cool?”
Alan – Alan isn’t allowed to speak. He’s on probation.
If the BRS started today here are your first round match ups and preview:
#1 Buzz vs. #8 Magz - One player is red hot while the other can’t catch a break. The problem with streaks in poker is they all end. For Buzz’s sake it better not end til after March 15th.
#2 KOP vs. #7 Daggum - The KOP and Daggum have history. The infamous chip consulting incident may ring a bell. No doubt KOP will have revenge on the mind.
#3 Chip Nazi vs. #6 Red - The roller coaster season for Chip Nazi continues while Red shows improvement each week. A win by Red may not be considered an upset soon.
#4 Five Dollar vs. #5 God – God has been slowly creeping up the ranking list as $5 holds steady. God no doubt wants to put to our probational member in his place.
Another win. Another vacation?
When you’re hot, you’re hot. Buzz finger is the first player with back-to-back wins this season after beating Shane Primm heads up. Buzz came back from near extinction when he survived an all-in against JD. His ace / queen beat JD’s pocket 7′s to start the remarkable comeback. Had he lost the hand, he would’ve finished 8th! Buzz then rolled the table with one massive hand after another. How about cowboys followed by rockets in consecutive hands?
In an interview after the game Buzz was quoted: “I couldn’t miss. Every card i needed hit. I’ll admit that much!”
Will the streak continue next week? Stayed tuned to find out.
A possible record number of players are rumored to be in attendance as the AGP crew start down the road to the Big River Showdown!
With ten confirmed players earlier this week, the turnout for this weeks game could set all-time participation records, and should certainly shatter this season’s watermark. The normal nine players — JD, Dan, Troy, Ricky, Mike, Mark, Buzz, Alan and Tony– are to be joined by veteran scab player Low Down, Dirty Shane to set the field at ten. However, the possible last minute additions of Bryan, Heather, Justin, and Amanda would catapult the field to fourteen, making the points at stake tonight an astonishing sixteen field changing points.
“Sixteen points is a lot of points,” said the mighty King of Poker. “That could potentially cement a top 3 seed for the Big River Showdown this early in. I’m sure everyone will have their ‘A’ game tonight. Either that, or JD will go out while we are still waiting on three people to show.”
A sixteen point victory this early into the season would no doubt solidify their status at the top for any of the current top three players (Buzz, Troy, and JD respectively), but it could also swing the points into the favor of the players near the bottom of the rankings.
“Tonight’s game is bigger than a rigged Bush/Gore election,” explains current 3rd seed JD. “Probably even more important than child birth.”
Despite the mounting importance of tonight’s game, not all the members fully comprehend what is at stake. The Red Herring, who has been playing as solidly as he has throughout his two year run in the AGP pack, replied when asked, “We’re keeping points? Really?”
The past week has been nothing if not busy in the AGP world. With early rumors of Mark “The Red” Herring’s possible departure from the club, recent evidence of Danny Magz survival, and Daggum’s return after a week’s layoff, the one thing that wasn’t needed was another lingering question, but The King of Poker added to the building intrigue this afternoon with an announcement of yet another returning player.
“We have another returning player this week,” Steffy said in a brief press conference this afternoon. “I’d like to tell you who, but I’m contractually obligated not to. Given this individual’s career aspirations, we have to treat this as a black ops mission, but rest assured, he’s a face people will know.”
Message boards across the country lit up today with hypothetical guess as to whom the player may be. With guesses ranging from Andy McElheiney or Jerry Agren, one time player Julius English, to a rumored reconciliation with longtime friend Danny Fagz, plausible arguments could be made for any of the seemingly outlandish guesses.
“Well, all I can say is that there was, at one time, some pretty good heat between this player and JD for sure, but every player that has ever been new to the table has had heat with JD. My relationship with this person goes back years. That’s about all I can say about it at the moment.”
Regardless of the name associated with the faceless silhouette that will descend upon the AGP table, this brings the total players at this weeks game to an astounding 10! With the amount of points up for grabs, this game could have a huge impact on the seedings for next month’s Big River Showdown.
New evidence has been discovered showing charter AGP member Dan “Danny Magz” Martin alive, but maybe not well. The newly discovered evidence is a picture showing Martin, who has been missing since two weeks ago, looking a bit frazzled inside a cave somewhere that experts believe to be northern Montana, the home of a hippie liberal commune that has a long history of personal abductions and indoctrination.
The Well traveled, enigmatic Average Guy player known simply by “Buzz Finger” was spotted in an unspecific area of Japan this morning, practicing the dying art of Sumo.
If BRS started today...
#1 Buzz would start against #8 Daggum. These two were involved in the most notable 7/2 bounty hand in AGP history. Buzz would love a shot at revenge.
#2 KOP has #7 Mags in his line of sight. With a chase here and a bluff there this match-up has all the makings of a quick blow up.
#3 Chip Nazi faces off with #6 GOD. Frankly, this would be the most boring match-up. Extremely similar playing styles could add up to a long night.
#4 Tony and #5 Red form the most intriguing match-up. Red has been considered the most erratic player, but his steady play this season makes him a formidable opponent.
Vote for your favorite, most/least interesting, or upset special match-up.
