Tullahoma, TN – In an exclusive conversation, JD has learned that a former member is returning this Tuesday.

He was part of the early stages in 3(615) Mafia history. This man is directly responsible for bringing in a current member and indirectly responsible for another. After a short contract negotiation AGP has proudly re-signed Alan Dennis!

Alan had confided in JD that leaving the group was a mistake as he didn’t realize the popularity it would gain. Alan left the club to find further riches only to find himself in the struggle of his life. After leaving, Alan made several poor business decisions which lead to him losing everything. First, he lost his job. This created tension between Alan and his girlfriend, Candi. Unable to keep up with the bills, Alan lost his home. Candi left Alan because living in and out of shelters was embarrassing to a former homecoming queen. She has since moved back to Michigan with her family. Alan turned to alcohol as a source of happiness. He began scraping money together by promoting bum fights with the rest of the hobos at local bars and taverns across Coffee County. Alan built enough money back up to rent a motel room in the Shelbyville area. He showers regularly and no longer dumpster dives for food. Following Daggum’s advice, Alan will try to grow the rest of his wealth back through no limit poker at AGP. His hope is to restore his image, return to poker glory, buy a home, and win back the love of his life, Candi.

Follow the return of Alan Dennis this week on AverageGuyPoker.com.

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Unfortunately, no details can be given to avoid ruining the surprise.  This surprise correlates with the release of our newest page – The Best (and Worst) of AGP.

~ Phase 1 complete~

~ Phase 2 complete~

Now if Mike and Tony looked like this, the story would be much better...

After what seemed like it was only a matter of a few hands before his demise, Mike came back from near chip stack extinction in his first game of 2011. Mike had the lowest stack with 6 players remaining and fought his way back. Tony patiently built his stack throughout the evening. Tony was the KO bounty, so with a split win there will be no KO bonus. Both players were awarded 7 out of a possible 8 points since there was no winner.

The aftermath of this split may be felt during the seeding of this years first annual Big River Showdown Heads-up Challenge.

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Murfreesboro, TN -Charter Average Guy Poker Club members JD “The Chip Nazi” Deckard and Dan “Danny Mags” Martin held a press conference today announcing the release of an exclusive Average Guy Poker line of Fatheads that will be available for the upcoming Valentine’s holiday.

“We thought the timing of the release was critical to a successful line of products,” Deckard said today. “There is nothing that says ‘I love you’ more than having one of our likenesses over your bed during whatever it is that you may or may not be doing on Valentine’s Day.”

The product line, which will begin with an exclusive, limited edition King of Poker Fathead that was unveiled at the press conference, will include all members of the club members except for Jeff “Buzzsaw” Phenegar, will cost a very affordable $199.99 and will be available exclusively on Averageguypoker.com.

“We wanted to include Phenegar,” Charter member Dan Martin said. “But with his new found interest in star realignment and the actual size that a Fathead of his head would be, we thought there may be even more astrological changes if there were suddenly a massive amounts of his likeness up on people’s wall. Although, the focus group we used said that 99% of all people wouldn’t buy one to begin with. We are erring on the side of caution here.”

And if you are looking for something spicy for that lady…or guy friend of yours, a robed Mark Herring Fathead is in production and will be released specifically on February 14th.

“That was one we talked about at length,” explained Deckard. “The out pour of requests was amazing. To not include that in this line would be a horrendous marketing mistake on our part. We look for it to be our best seller in the homosexual, 35-50 year old demographics

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Buzz Finger programming a star realignment following a bad beat.

Buzz Finger is about as susceptible to bad beats as ladders, black cats, and spilled salt is to bad luck. However, unlike the other listed examples, which have had centuries to cement their unfortunate reputations, Phenegar has had enough.

“We all saw him at the computer while at the table,” fellow Average Guy Poker member Troy Steffy said. “We didn’t think anything of it. He does it all the time. One time at a fantasy football draft, he had his laptop, his ipad, his ipod, and his iphone all going all at once.”

This time, what seemed to be an innocent means of entertainment while watching his chip stack diminish, had far more sinister implications. It seems following a bad beat, Phenegar determined that his run of bad luck was not due to poor judgment in chasing straights or flushes, but due to his astrological sign. In a mind-boggling plot to change his zodiac sign, and thus his bad luck, Phenegar used a top secret program he had recently installed onto his Ipod after downloading a torrent from Cobra Commander’s The Pirate Bay account that would realign all the astrological signs, shifting him from a (classified) into the (classified) sign.

It has yet to be seen if this insidious plan has paid off for Phenegar, but the after effects have been felt all throughout the world! To see the effect of this dastardly deed on your life, click here

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Urlacher gives nod to King of Poker in pregame interview.

“I’m just glad to be here.” Much like time, space, or existence, no one can give a definitive timetable for this phrases entry into the Average Guy Poker vocabulary, but the weight it carries rivals that of other pop culture catch phrase phenomenons such as “I have a bad feeling about this” from a galaxy far, far away, or Paris Hilton’s “That’s Hot”.

Today, The King of Poker’s catch phrase entered the realm of professional sports as close friend of Troy Steffy, Brian Urlacher, paid tribute to his buddy during the Fox pregame show today. After sharing the most popular catchphrase in club history “I’m just happy to be here” with Pam Oliver, Brian gave the a head nod to his old running mate. Brian met Troy through his rumored brother, Ben Roethlisberger, during a football mini camp for needy children in 2006.

Thanks for the shout out Brian!

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Just a few hours after being eliminated by JD, The King of Poker enlisted in a experimental new mind control procedure that would give him the ability to not only read, but to control the other player’s minds at the table.

After missing last week, Ricky Hodge picked up where he left off last season. Poker God won in his debut by outlasting scab Jerry A. Helped by quad 9′s and well timed bluffs, Ricky jumped right back into the point race. JD won the ko bounty by slaying the King, giving him some much needed points and a quick leap to 2nd place overall early in the 2011 season.

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